The Rap Sheet - Lethal Wrestling Alliance 2/24/2K7
The Rap Sheet – from the Mad Conservative
Lethal Wrestling Alliance
2/24/2K7 House Springs, MO

Rainy, dark, and foggy...

The views expressed by the critics of the Mad Conservative are definitely not his own and should be taken with a grain of salt because they of course anal retentive. I should state for the record...I’m really behind with these again, and now there’s a sudden pileup of video editing work I need to get done. So busy these days I finally hired a maid to clean up the house so I can work on this stuff...hehe. Course now I’m probably gonna have to use a few vacation days to catch up on it all. Ah the fun of being the editor of the STLWC. And of course there’s camerawork too, now that I own a camcorder.

Springfield, IL has not been a pleasant place to live lately, with the governor running roughshod over everyone and everything, much of that grief from completely mismanaged screwballs and the stress from state government got to be too much that I just had to get out of town for the weekend. Since there were several wrestling related events going on over the weekend plus I had to be down there for FIST anyway, I decided to just make a break for it and stay south for the weekend. Only thing was, the weather was pretty bad. Saturday called for heavy rain all day, and it definitely rained a lot. For the first part of the trip I made my way down to Westfield South County Mall to catch the St. Louis Wrestling Hall of Fame ceremony, then I went back north to St. Louis Mills Mall to check out the Wrestlemania Fan Axxess tour, where Jimmy Hart was emceeing festivities. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch were signing autographs. I of course had to do the play by play booth they had set up—but it was only 90 seconds of a match. After checking into the hotel, made my way down a county road in the hills of Missouri, where it was dark, rainy and foggy. Had to plan the route carefully and avoid missing any turns. I made it into House Springs, but once I got on the road to go to the venue, the place was poorly marked. Unless you were taking your eyes off the road and looking to the right, you’d have missed the KC Hall sign on the side of the building, back a ways from the road. As a result, I drove about five miles looking for the place before turning back, and seeing the place on the way back. Ugh. Attendance was about 75 at 7pm but the show started at 7:20pm and attendance was said to be about 110. Since I’ve never been to an LWA show, the setup has the ring in the middle with four sets of “stadium lights” to brighten the ring, but all other lights in the building are off. The ring barrier is a five foot fence which would prevent anyone from hopping the rail. There are also two video walls. And on the video walls they show a montage of prior show recaps…a whole lot of them in chronological order. There were band instruments set up under one of the video walls. And there was smoking allowed in the building, bleh. I also happened to find the official from the Missouri Athletics Commission and expressed my displeasure about what the state is doing to the wrestling business—that is, wiping it out. We finally get the start to the show.

Live from the Knights of Columbus Hall in House Springs, MO. Your ring announcer is some guy I don’t know.

Triple Threat
“The Rebel” Jeremy Wyatt vs. Michael Serious vs. Tyler Cook – This is the so-called pre-show match, but gee, they should just make it the official opening match and be done with it cause its not a long show as it is. The three tie up, then throw each other in rotation. Cook atomic drops Wyatt, spinning neckbreaker. Serious goes after Cook, tree of woe on Cook, and Serious stands on his crotch! Wyatt chops Cook, side slam Cook on Wyatt. Someone yells for a barbed wire table, Wyatt suplexes Serious, double knees to the face, legsweep backbreaker by Wyatt gets two. Cook side suplex on Wyatt, Serious uppercuts him however, Wyatt whips Cook across, Cook tries to moonsault but had to settle for a side elbow off the rope for two. Serious is on the top rope, Cook tries to superplex Wyatt, Serious powerbombs Cook in the process and everyone’s down. Double half crab by Serious, he gets pushed outside, Wyatt and Cook exchange kicks, Cook gets pulled outside by Serious, they slug it out, Wyatt SUICIDE DIVE on the two men! Wyatt throws Cook back in, fisherman’s spinning neckbreaker gets two. Side suplex by Serious on Wyatt, Serious locks in a stranglehold, Cook breaks it up, T-Bone suplex by Cook on Serious, Wyatt hits one nasty DDT on Cook and gets the pin.

WINNER: Jeremy Wyatt pin -> 9:05 mins. **¾

They show another video of the prior show. They proceed to introduce who’s monitoring the show from the Missouri Athletic Commission and he gets booed.

Dan Velten w/ Gordon Pumpernickle vs. Bryan Monterro – Velten would be the wrestler formerly known as Ryan Ash, who went back to using his real name so he’d be easier to identify with those who follow mixed martial arts. He’s only had three bouts thus far. Monterro is another GCW wrestler waiting for the hiatus to end. Gordon bashes the crowd and says Dan is gonna beat the crap outta Monterro cause he’s a real fighter. Velten takes him down with mat wrestling then beats him in the corner, German suplex gets two. Bryan with a lariat, Russian legsweep and a knee to the head gets two. Second rope bulldog gets two. Velten with a block, takes him down and locks in a side figure four but Bryan gets the rope. Dan with a dropkick…ankle lock! Bryan gets the rope but Dan pulls him away and Bryan ends up rolling out of it and hitting a dropkick. They slug it out, Bryan hits a springboard sidekick for two, but Velten hits the fisherman’s buster for three. Okay match.

WINNER: Dan Velten pin -> **½

Webmaster Stevie K comes out wearing a Nintendo controller as a necklace. Cute. The crowd is heckling him like mad, but he’s taking forever to talk too. He’s no longer going to be taken as a joke, he’s not gonna be anyone’s whipping boy. Well here come Pierre Abernathy & Nick Tyson. Pierre shakes hands with Stevie K, but Tyson attacks him and throws him out. Pierre says its his big night, and asks for Gary the Barnowl. Gary’s got facepaint and coo’s. Pierre says he’s using his medal to go for the title tonight, and doesn’t care what internet marks are writing behind their computer screens. He wants to know if everyone wants to see the craziest main event ever seen. He wants Gary to shake hands to guarantee it, but at the end of the night he’s gonna make Gary tap out.

Adam Raw vs. Johnny Vinyl – Vinyl hits a sidekick and northern lights for one. Raw though hits a spinning heel kick, pounds him down and hits a clutch slam for two. Raw with the ab stretch, followed by a rib breaker for two. Side suplex and fisherman’s suplex executed before Raw jumps out of the ring to argue with fans who are pretty nasty toward him. Johnny finally gets an oddball spinning neckbreaker, triangle choke…but Raw headbutts him in the groin, powerslam, then a swinging slam for the pin. Pretty much a squash.

WINNER: Adam Raw pin -> 6:45 mins. **

Raw rants and raves about the folks in the crowd, that they took away the LWA title from him by siding with Gary the Barnowl. He says he can crush everyone in the building, the tongue to make lesbians smile, and had sex with your mother that totally sucked. Brian James comes out wearing tape on his ribs. Uh oh, wonder if he’ll be ready to go at FIST tomorrow? James wants Raw to approach, but Raw refuses and leaves. James says if he wasn’t hurt he’d beat the crap outta Raw. Fans cuss out Raw, Raw apparently abandoned James in a tag match because Raw wasn’t tagged in so he suplexed James down to “protect his image”. He better his back, every breath, every move cause he’ll kick his butt. But he’s not worth a butt kicking tonight. And Raw is really foul mouthed.

Nick Tyson vs. Sean Vincent – They trade takedowns, Sean hits the trio and a pussy chant rages against Tyson. Tyson yanks the arm, kicks the elbow, punt, suplex gets two. Sean trips him, slingshot elbow gets two. Tyson with an enzuigiri, twists the head, crossface…Tyson whip to the corner and hits a stinger splash. Tyson puts Sean in the tree of woe, baseball slide dropkick, sets up for the tornado DDT but Sean reverses it into a springboard tornado DDT. Tyson though recovers quickly and locks in the crippler crossface for the tapout.

WINNER: Nick Tyson submission -> 7:55 mins. ***

We go to intermission, and the all girl band wants all the lesbians on one side of the building…or something.

Triple Tag Threat
Ego Express – KC Karrington & Spoiled Steven Kennedy w/ Tiffany vs. Shorty Biggs & CJ McManus w/ Jewells vs. Bearded Men from Space - XXX Jordan Lacey & Evan Gelistico – Look at all these tag teams, and there's NO LWA tag title! KC actually seeks ME out in the crowd to make some gay comment. Geez, that’s a first. CJ comes out singing the theme to Great American Hero, and does it pretty well. He apparently has lots of karaoke experience…I think he should try out for American Idol. Biggs is with him and apparently they’re baddies here. CJ proceeds to brag about Dorian Victor enterprises and rants and raves about themselves. Evan is wearing a fake beard to the ring. Angle clash rears its head again. CJ and KC start and exchange blows before tagging SSK and Evan. SSK punts Evan but Evan hits a jawbreaker. SSK with a takedown for two. Evan clotheslines him leading to tags on Lacey & Biggs. Lacey trips Biggs and sentons him for two. CJ charges in but gets dumped, the Egos run in but get dropkicked…and it’s now a scramble! SSK moonsaults on CJ, Evan and KC who are battling out outside. Jewells goes after Tiffany but she walks away. Brawl on the floor and they knock the lights out entirely. Nice. Evan emerges from under the ring as everyone’s still brawling. Lacey tries to suplex Biggs but resorts to a crossface, tag Evan, PIT STOP! Biggs with a gutwrench suplex on Evan, tag CJ. Double team is botched, trip, dropkick gets two. CJ stands on Evan, legdrop gets two. CJ with a backbreaker, ribbreaker, neckbreaker, boot wipes, tag Biggs. Biggs with a buttsmash, tag Egos. Running kick, KC suplexes him for two. Lacey LOW BLOWS him however, Evan charges him but eats a dropkick for two. SSK in, dopkick from the second rope, double team gets two. And something happened with Tiffany as she leaves ringside, apparently it’s a wardrobe malfunction. Ugh, I can’t believe I just typed that, thanks Janet Jackson. SSK with a sleeper, dropkick gets two. Evan with a rollup for two, tag KC. Egos with running boots get two. Evan gets a big fist and slugs him down with it for two. Now why doesn’t he bring those things to the actual FIST show? Evan has some sort of long cut on his back. Evan hits a lungblower, CJ however backcracks Evan. Biggs in…and Dan Velten comes out! Evan hits a flip jawbreaker on Biggs, tags Lacey, clotheslines everyone, Evan charges and DIVES on Velten! CJ with a backcracker on Lacey gets two. SSK tries to nail CJ but gets dropkicked in the face, Biggs and CJ superkick Lacey and get the pin.

WINNERS: Shorty Biggs & CJ McManus pin -> 19 mins. ***½

Long match, and it was kept action packed for the most part. Biggs makes it a point to yell at me NOT to cheer them. Gee, like I can tell what someone’s attitude alignment is from fed to fed. I’ll cheer for whoever I darn well please.

Dorian Victor vs. Billy McNeil – McNeil is retiring soon, he had prior offers to go to TNA I think but turned it down. Billy dropkicks the knee, springboard dropkick, spinning heel kick, flip kick off the ropes and Victor flees. Billy with a slingshot dive but he’s caught and gets FENCED! Victor chokes him down and throws him across the ring! Victor grabs a suplex and holds him for like 20 seconds! Victor with a spinning backbreaker for two. Neckbreaker Victor, butterfly armbar…Bill up however, dropsault! Victor trips him up and camel clutch stomps him down. Victor launches Billy in the air and gets two on the crash. McNeil with a superkick, neck takedown…but a standing moonsault gets the knees. Victor with a backbreaker for two. McNeil with a leg clothesline for two. Victor catches a boot and flips McNeil who clips the ropes and takes a bad bump. Ugh. Victor with a spinebuster gets two. Victor to the top, misses the splash, McNeil to the top, twisting senton misses! Victor hits a side ribbreaker and gets the pin.

WINNER: Dorian Victor pin -> 11:55 mins. ***½

Jordan Lacey comes on the video wall and says he’s looking for Bill Clinton…I mean Collins in some crazy spoof of the Blair Witch Project. The implication is that Collins is a bisexual that seeks prostitutes of both genders on the streets of St. Louis. Ugh. Okay Clinton I guess didn’t have sex with gays.

LWA Heavyweight Championship
(c)Gary Jay the Barnowl vs. Pierre Abernathy – Well I can say the video from this match is up on Youtube. The match begins and they shake hands. Basic wrestling to start, armdrag from Gary sends Pierre out. They resume wrestling in the ring, Gary with a running elbow, dropkick, rolling splash missed, Pierre charges and lands a kick. Pierre with a vicious rude awakening, sets up for the leghook headlock but turns it loose and hits a DDT for two. Gary hops on the top rope but Pierre makes him come down, Gary hops up there again but Pierre yanks him down hard for two. Pierre with the crosslegs full nelson but Gary pushes the shoulders down for two. Pierre and Gary fight on the apron, DDT blocked, Gary double stomp on Pierre’s back. Gary gets a table, chops Pierre on the fence and puts him on the table. Gary goes up but Pierre goes into the crowd, Gary DIVES OVER THE FENCE on Pierre! Pierre throws Gary through a bunch of chairs! Pierre takes him back they try to put each other on the table, but Pierre SLAMS Gary through the table! Pierre puts him in and gets a two count. Pierre with some sort of side slam but Gary comes on top for two. Gary goes up, flying elbow to the back of the head for two. Pierre with a nasty Russian legsweep for two, but Dorian Victor is out here and yanks the ref outside for the LAME SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT FINISH at…

WINNER: Pierre Abernathy DQ -> 12:50 mins. ***¾

Oh WHY that finish??? CJ, Shorty, Dorian are beating down Pierre and Gary! Billy McNeil and Nick Tyson hit the ring to run all them off. The crowd cusses out Dorian Victor with the F-bomb. Pierre gets the mike and says he had the best match of his career. The LWA title is the most important belt in the midwest, whether or not there’s commentary, it’s the most important belt around. They play Gary’s music and we’re out.

The Verdict: Well being this was my first LWA show, there were no clunker matches at all. And THAT is a very good thing. The fan environment is not for everyone however, as it’s NOT family friendly with all the vulgarities that were flying about. Kayfabe fanatics will want to stay FAR away too, cause they would freak out over things that are said. I’d go back to another show, if it were easy…

Thumbs WAY up.