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The Rap Sheet - Great American Wrestling 7/1
The Rap Sheet - from the Mad Conservative
Great American Wrestling - United We Stand
7/1/2K5  Maroa, IL

Any more 10,000 year old gay jokes and someone gets it!

My views are solely my own and not GAW's.  Disclaimers make me wanna go Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Live from the old Maroa Grade School.  Total attendance was somewhere between 90-100 by my head count.  Chris Lee is your ring announcer, with stooge Colin McDowe acting retarded in the ring.  Cause of all the new guys and time taken to track down states I'm gonna skimp on hometown, height and weights this time.

Sammy Da Bull comes out first, saying there's new tag champs from last Sunday.  So Jaxson Pride & Joe Cain come out, followed by George the 3rd.  Sammy then proceeds to trash Ben Taylor for stripped the tag titles from the Animals.  Now Ben Taylor and his boy JC Michaels come out.  Ben says his percentage of ownership of the fed is no longer 51%, it's now 50% and thus he and Ben Taylor are on equal footing.  The GAW governing board has decreed however, that decision making will be entrusted to an unnamed commissioner guy that's gonna be flying in from New York.  On to tonight's show, Sammy has made three six-man lethal lottery tag matches.  The winning teams will move to a battle royal later in the night.

Lethal Lottery Six-Man Elimination Tag
Gavin Alexander (2-5), The Hybrids - AJ "Not Styles" Powers (1-0) & Donovan Cain (1-3) vs. GAW Tag Champ Joe Cain (7-5), Jessie Clark (0-2), Prime Time Playa (1-3) w/ Ms. Black - Yep, it's lethal lottery all right as we're pairing people at random.  And we see the better talent is mixed in with the not so good talent.  Ms. Black SERIOUSLY needs a new outfit as that ugly thing is showing WAY too much cleavage in the presence of children.  The Cains start, they switch around a bit, Donovan's suplex is blocked, but gets a full nelson.  Back breaker Don, but misses a legdrop.  Standing moonsault Joe gets two, but misses a dropkick.  Crusifix rollup by Joe gets two, Don gets the armdrags.  Joe with a rolling armdrag.  Tag AJ, he chops away, whip toss in the air meets a low blow kick.  Joe is put on the shoulders, AJ puts him in a wheelbarrow and tosses him backward.  Tag Don, shoulderblocks to the back.  Joe with a German gets two.  Tag Jessie, he does a suplex and sleeper.  Don with a clothesline, choke, dropkick to the mat.  Tag AJ, suplex, legdrop, double team with Don doing a legdrop gets two.  Tag Gavin, and he's quite angrier than usual this evening...wonder why?  Jessie with chops, whip splash Gavin.  Clothesline Gavin, the Hybrids want to tag back in but Gavin refuses, saying he doesn't need them or something.  So the Hybrids take a seat in the crowd.  Jessie clothesline doesn't work, a third attempt knocks him over, but Gavin hits a DDT.  Spinning sideslam Gavin gets two, spinebuster gets two.  For some reason the ref gets tied up with somebody, Gavin fetches his chain and blasts Jessie with it, he goes outside to argue with his teammates and gets himself counted out.

Gavin Alexander, cause you couldn't keep yourself under your limit, you're hitting the showers early.  You ARE the WEAKEST LINK!  Goodbye!  Countout at 8:45 mins. 3 vs. 2.

AJ Powers gets in the ring and hits an inverted facebuster on a dazed Jessie for the pin.

Jessie Clark, alas not every opponent you face is that careless.  You ARE the WEAKEST LINK!  Goodbye!  AJ Powers pins Jessie Clark at 9:35 mins.  2 vs. 2.

Prime Time Playa checks in, trades chops with AJ.  Whip back body drop AJ.  AJ elbows him off a whip, double team camel clutch drop kick to the face.  AJ with a slam, he goes up, headbutt MISSED!  There's a slugfest, but PTP with the fireman's carry, TKO follows, he knocks Don Cain off.  Gavin Alexander is back out here.  The Cain Bros. are fighting on the floor, Gavin nails AJ with the chain, PTP pins AJ with one foot.

AJ Powers, sadly you've been stabbed in the back by your own partner.  You ARE the WEAKEST LINK!  Goodbye!  PTP pins AJ Powers at 12:30 mins. 2 vs. 1.

Don spinkicks Joe in the back, hits repeated reverse DDTs into his knee, tornado DDT, slam, Don goes up, frog splash MISSES!  Joe picks up Don for I think a powerbomb, but Don reverses it into a CANADIAN DESTROYER!

Joe Cain, you gave your brother a concussion with that move, but now you know how it feels to be hit with one.  You ARE the WEAKEST LINK!  Goodbye!  Don Cain pins Joe Cain at 14:15 mins.  1 on 1.

PTP tosses Joe out.  Don locks in a hanging standing armbar.  PTP just lifts Don up and drops him in a powerbomb.  Second rope elbow PTP gets two.  Spinebuster PTP, legdrop gets two.  Rollup Don gets two, dropkick PTP gets two.  Don with a chop, snap mare, kick back.  Don tries to slam PTP but he falls on him for two.  Knee by Don, kick, he goes up, corkscrew legdrop.  But PTP with a kick, FAMEASSER for three!

WINNER and SOLE SURVIVOR:  Prime Time Playa pin -> 17:30 mins. ***½

Joe Cain, Jessie Clark and PTP supposedly advance to the battle royal.  Real good opener with limited involvement by the lesser talents.

Lethal Lottery Six-Man Elimination Tag
George 3rd (1-2), Dickie Williams (5-5) & Billy Reno (2-4) vs. Tricky Dick Moore (1-1) w/ Ms. Black, Shamus McNelson (3-4) w/ Pat Mugroin & Tru Talent Johnathan Scott (5-4-1) - It was said Reno has never tagged with Dickie Williams before, which is not true.  George 3rd and Williams only care about eating popcorn on the ring apron and don't seem to care they have a match.  Oh gosh, Williams is using that Muppets music Phenomia.  Reno and Tricky start.  They trade moves, headlock Moore, an odd takedown manuvere by Reno.  Reno with a slam, but his partners won't tag.  Slam Moore, suplex gets two.  Elbows Tricky gets two.  Tag Scott, suplex gets two, clothesline gets two.  Rake by Reno, tag Tricky, spinning side suplex gets two that may be described as a prototype side slam.  Dickie Williams is wandering around the ring apparently after the other team's managers.  Reno with a clothesline in the corner gets two.  Elbow, clothesline from the second rope by Reno gets two.  LOW BLOW Moore, Reno still can't tag out cause they're too busy eating.  Tricky gets two, tag Shamus.  Oh boy...MISMATCH!  Headbutt to the back by Shamus, slam, SPLASH gets....TWO?!?  Shamus with a Samoan Drop, and some guy wearing black runs out here with a chair, oh it's the artist formerly known as a security guard, now known as Vincent Frank.  The commentary team seems to have forgotten that Shamus squashed this guy a couple months ago.  Reno with a rollup somehow gets three and Shamus takes off to persue this guy.

Shamus McNelson, you're just not having the luck of the Irish.  You ARE the WEAKEST LINK!  Goodbye!  Reno pins McNelson at 7:55 mins.  3 vs. 2.

Moore in, Williams in and hits a DDT gets two, whip corner, Reno is back in but gets caught by Moore in a rollup using his feet on the ropes.

Billy Reno, dunno how you survived Shamus but you've been tricked.  You ARE the WEAKEST LINK!  Goodbye!  Tricky Dick pins Reno at 9 mins. 2 vs. 2.

Dickie Williams stops eating now that he's forced into the match.  Williams with a clothesline but misses an elbow.  Tricky with a spinning neckbreaker takes him out.

Dickie Williams, if your mind was on wrestling instead of eating then you might not be sporting a twisted neck.  YOU ARE the WEAKEST LINK!  Goodbye!  Tricky pins Williams at 10:15 mins.  2 vs. 1.

George 3rd in, headbutt, shoulderblocks.  Splash in the corner by 3rd, headbutts, IRON CLAW by 3rd forces Tricky to tap out.

Tricky Dick Moore, you missed the beware of animal sign.  You ARE the WEAKEST LINK!  Goodbye!  George 3rd beats Tricky Dick by submission at 11:10 mins.

Tru Talent ties up the ref while Tricky Dick hits a RUDE AWAKENING on George 3rd somehow and Scott gets the pin.

WINNER and SOLE SURVIVOR:  Tru Talent Johnathan Scott pin -> 11:50 mins. **½

Looks like Reno and Tricky did most of the wrestling in this contest as the others were just there not doing much.  Shamus McNelson, Tricky Dick Moore and John Scott advance.

Last Man Standing
Mississippi Madman (5-3) vs. Richard Biggs III (3-4) - Gavin and Reno are out here drawing Madman's attention as Biggs sneaks in and bashes Madman with a kendo stick.  Madman shoves him off though and hits HIM with kendoshots.  Clothesline with the stick by Madman, low blow with the stick, choke.  They spill outside, repeated kendoshots on the floor, they fight to the bleachers, Biggs is tossed into the wall, Madman splash misses, Biggs rams him into the bleachers.  Madman fights back though, they fight back to the ring, Madman pulls his shirt up and chops him.  Madman with a powerslam gets an eight count.  Madman pounds away, whip he puts his head down, LOW BLOW and DDT by Biggs!  Splash from the second rope gets a five count.  Knee head by Biggs, knee LOW BLOW!  Knee head by Biggs, turnbuckle ram doesn't do anything.  Madman hulks up, hits a suplex, superkick.  Biggs with a poke, LOW BLOW, legdrops by Biggs.  He goes up, clothesline off the top gets seven.  Biggs whip attempt is blocked, reversed, clothesline Madman, whip SPEAR!!!  Madman with the FIFTH FLOOR!  And the ref counts, Biggs barely sits up and the ref STOPS at NINE!  WTF???  Excuse me the guy wasn't anywhere close to getting on his feet!  Madman with another FIFTH FLOOR, ref gets to nine before Madman picks him up.  THIRD FIFTH FLOOR gets to seven, before Madman does a FOURTH one and that wins it.

WINNER:  Mississippi Madman KO -> (6-3) 14:10 mins. **½

This referee, who apparently forgot to get a referee shirt and had to wear the same one worn by Ricky was all pissy at me during intermission.

"The Wranger" Eric Ruffington (1-1) vs. "The Spotlight" Spencer Powers (3-2-2) - Standing switches, poke SSP, shoulderblock.  Armdrag by Ruff, ab stretch attempt blocked, SSP with a side elbow.  Ruff with a chop, SSP shoves him in the corner but a dropkick doesn't connect.  Ruff with a suplex gets two.  SSP with knees to the gut, ram to the corner.  Chops SSP, choke, whip to the corner with a monkey flip.  Ruff hits back, SSP kicks away, knee drops get two.  Ram to the corner by SSP, but Ruff hits the clothesline after a whip.  Ruff with the eight punch count before being snake eyed.  Rib breaker SSP, choke on the rope before he shoves the ref.  Snap mare, SSP latches on the waist with a leg scissors, Ruff breaks out but SSP knee drops and goes back to scissoring.  Knee drop misses, Ruff with a hanging suplex, kneedrop of his own gets two.  Ab stretch attempt by SSP is blocked, fireman's carry Ruff but SSP pulls off a hurraconranna on a powerbomb attempt, crossarm powerbomb follows but SSP couldn't lift him over the waistline and only gets two out of it.  They slug it out, but SSP gets the Unprittier and wins it.

WINNER:  Spotlight Spencer Powers pin -> (4-2-2) 10:50 mins. ***

Lethal Lottery Six-Man Elimination Tag
Apriq Laveq (4-8-1), Truk Thompson (4-5-1) vs. Smooth GQ Suavey (0-1) w/ Ms. Black, Petey Clark (4-2) & Marcus St. Christopher (debut) - Vampire Kaval is no where to be found, and real disappointing too cause Apriq & Kaval would had been interesting to watch, but some voice says he'll be back next month to get Apriq.  GQ yells who is Marcus?  And this St. Christopher guy comes out in a purple and white outfit with boa and tries to make a pass at me.  Chris Lee has the gall to say Pee Wee Herman has a new boyfriend.  Hey Lee, you retarded crap for brains, I've NEVER worn a bow-tie.  Truk rubs his shirt in Ms. Black's hair.  "Not nice to be" Apriq and the Fruit starts.  Consume LESS fruit, MORE veggies.  Marcus does the lame gay tactics only to annoy Apriq as I hold up a sign saying "I prefer Ms. Black".  So he tags Truk in.  Truk takes him headon, whip to the ropes, and Marcus blows a simple clothesline right off the bat.  And Truk drives him down with a DDT and beats his sorry arse.  Tag Apriq, he pounds away, and gives him a LOW BLOW!  Thank you very much!  Whip hip toss Apriq, chops in the corner, but MSC gets a fluke rollup for two.  MSC gives Apriq a kiss and dances around like an idiot, but Apriq gives him his LAST RITES and the walk of shame.  Good riddance.

Marcus St. Christopher, you are ugly, stupid, and are no where ready to be in the ring.  You're a ripoff of Gino Latino who's a ripoff of Golddust.   Christopher Lee needs some company from St. Christopher, so get a ride with him cause you aren't nor will you ever get a ride from me.  YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK!  GOODBYE!  Apriq pins St. Christopher at 6:30 mins.  2 vs. 2.

GQ in, hits a springboard flip moonsault...but gets a near fall.  Back elbow GQ, tag Pete.  The commentary team says this isn't a fair fight.  Uh, it's two on two you dimwits!  He gets a flying headscissors for two.  Apriq gets a drop toe hold, belly to belly suplex, he goes up, jumps backward, Petey rolls but Apriq lands on Petey's legs.  Petey gets up, shoulderblock, slaps GQ to tag him.  GQ gets a back body drop over the top rope, Apriq gets hit with a swinging neckbreaker in the ropes!  GQ with a T-Bone suplex and that gets the pin!

Apriq Laveq, being Apriq isn't nice and for someone who kills vampires with stakes, ironically you were beaten with a steak.  You ARE the WEAKEST LINK!  Goodbye!  GQ Suavey pins Apriq at 10:20.  2 vs. 1.

Truk in, hits a ROCK BOTTOM, whip to the corner, BIG SPLASH!  Truk with the 10 punch count in the corner, splash Truk gets two.  Truk goes to the rear chinlock, whips him off but gets hit with a springboard forearm for two.  Spinning heel kick GQ, but Truk shrugs it off and SPEARS him for three!

Smooth GQ Suavey, you may be smooth, but you're not rich.  You ARE the WEAKEST LINK!  Goodbye!  Truk pins GQ at 13:05 mins.

Petey Clark in, shakes hands with Truk.  GQ on the apron though, Truk walks over and gets neck snapped on the rope, Petey rolls him up and pins Truk!  Whoa.  Didn't see THAT coming.

WINNER and SOLE SURVIVOR:  Petey Clark pin -> 13:45 mins. **¾

And once again, the crappy talent is mixed in with the better talent or something and eliminated early as to not ruin the bulk of the match.  

Sammy Da Bull comes out here and negates the entire purpose of the lethal lottery survivor series by letting EVERYONE that wrestled tonight in the battle royal.  What was the point of it all then?  "Spotlight" Spencer Powers comes out and demands entry in the battle royal cause he's better than everyone else.  Sammy asks if he was with the man in the boas and is doing this in spite of him.  The winner of the battle royal will get a heavyweight title shot.

22-Man Battle Royal
SSP, Richard Biggs, Johnathan Scott, Shamus McNelson, Apriq Laveq, Billy Reno, Don Cain, AJ Powers, Gavin Alexander, Prime Time Playa, Tricky Dick Moore, Smooth GQ, Joe Cain, the Clarks, Truk Thompson, Dickie Williams, Eric Ruffington, Vincent Frank, George 3rd, Marcus "Suck" Christopher, and MS Madman are your entrants.  Ricky is reffing this all by himself!  As soon as the match starts, EVERYONE beats the crap out of ambiguously gay bum St. Christopher and dumps him out at 20 seconds.  Hey Chris Lee, Colin McDowe, you need to console this guy!  Give him a wet sloppy kiss...on the butt!  Madman dumps Biggs out at 45 seconds.  The brawl gets too hard to follow as Apriq, AJ and Gavin get all dumped by Williams at two minutes.  Ruffington got dumped by someone.  Madman goes after Biggs apparently eliminating himself.  Vincent gets dumped by GQ.  GQ and Jess get tossed 2:40 mins.  Billy Reno is out, but he is hurt as he fell hard.  Shamus appears to be out of the match.  PTP gets out at 3 minutes.  Joe Cain goes to the top rope and DIVES on Shamus and whoever else, eliminating himself!  Oh stupid, barely missed the injured Reno too.  Not enough padding on the floor, and it appears Reno missed the pad.  George 3rd is out at 3:50.  Don Cain tosses Tricky at 4:25 mins.  John Scott hits a knee on Petey and tries to get him out, but Petey gets rid of him at 5 minutes.  It's down to four, Don Cain, Truk Thompson, SSP and Petey.  SSP hangs on after almost being tossed, Truk hits a STUNNER on Don Cain!  SSP gets Petey out, Truk throws Don out!  SSP stomps away on Truk, ram on the corner.  Truk tries to dump SSP but he hangs on barely, Truk thinks he's won but SSP climbs back in, dumps Truk and wins it.  Serves ya right Truk for celebrating too early.  I don't rate battle royals.

WINNER:  "Spotlight" Spencer Powers -> (5-2-2) 7:40 mins. N/A

GAW Heavyweight Championship - Hardcore Match
(c)JC Michaels (7-1) vs. GAW Tag Champ Jaxson Pride (12-3-1) - Apparently JC has defended his title every time under no DQ, so an army can bail out his arse every time.  Pride says if anyone interferes he'll beat the crap outta them too.  The little league team of Maroa shoot confetti for Pride.  JC is called the main event, I say he's just a curtin jerker.  Kneeshot JC, knees to the head, heart punch, legdrop gets two.  Ram to the corner by JC, DDT gets two.  JC fetches a chair, and that sickofant Ben Taylor comes out.  Chairshot JC, knee shots, chair to the back, puts the chair on his chest, but Pride turns it up and JC gets crotched.  Chairshot Pride, legdrop on the chair, chokehold gets two.  JC tosses Pride into the post and gets hung upside down, JC with a drop kick on the floor.  Well he's too heavy to be doing that.  JC grabs the metal stairs and DROPS IT on Pride and STANDS on it!  Chairshot on the stairs with them on Pride.  Roll in the ring, JC gets two.  Choke with the legs by JC, whip reverse SHATTERED PRIDE outta nowhere gets two.  Oh Prime Time Playa is out here, clotheslines Pride, but Pride clotheslines HIM out.  Legdrop off the second rope by Pride gets one.  Colin McDowe starts acting like a jackarse and screams for people to interfere in the match.  Gets so bad I repeatedly yell at him to shut up.  SSP runs out here and hits him with a chair.  Pride recovers somehow and dumps SSP out.  More people come out to interfere but a bunch of guys led by MS Madman run off all the riff-raff including McDowe.  I was so hoping Madman was gonna chokeslam the retard.  Pride tries to slam JC Michaels and barely slams him, he goes to the sharpshooter and he gives it up.  FINALLY.

WINNER and NEW CHAMP:  Jaxson Pride submission -> (13-3-1) 10:35 mins. *½

Overbooked mess it was and now Pride has both GAW belts...wonder how long that's gonna last?  I strongly advise GAW itself not to resort to stripping him of a title due to some obscure technicality as the tag belts took a hit cause of how they changed hands.  As for JC Michaels, he just was a total joke as champ, didn't like how he won the belt or how he kept the belt.  His in ring performances left a lot to be desired.  

The Verdict:  After a string of shows that were just not spectactular and pretty much below average they finally figured out a way to get a good show out of the rather wide divergence of talent levels in the roster.  Unfortunately, the lethal lotteries they can practically do only once a year.    

Finally a thumbs up.