rap_sheet (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} rap_sheet) wrote,@ 2005-12-31 13:32:00 |
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Half Pint Brawlers - 12/30/2K5
The Rap Sheet - from the Crimefighter
Half Pint Brawlers' Jingle Brawl
12/30/2K5 Springfield, IL
Got midgets? Yeah. Got wrestling? Not very much...
This rap sheet is the sole opinion of the Mad Conservative Crimefighter and does not reflect the views of any other wrestling organization or individuals. Therefore, all complaints should go to MC CF and no one else, because there's one thing I really don't like and that's people punishing others for what *I* write. And then they get publically named and throughly trashed.
In my bid to have a complete list of all IL feds, I discovered some mystery group with the initials HPB running somewhere in Chicago. I wondered who the heck they were. After doing a bit of asking and looking around, I found out it stood for Half Pint Brawlers. This group has been touring the country and the local radio station got them booked.
Tonight was the first trip to Springfield, IL for the all-midget organization. Show was held at the Warehouse, which is the home of NMW. I hand counted over 300 people before the official start of the show, late comers may have pushed it up to 350. That's quite impressive a draw for $25 a pop, but WQLZ was hyping it heavily the past few weeks. Ringside table seats went for $40 each. Ringside seats got a couple cups of beer, a hotdog and chips. That's it? I expected for my $40 to get a pork sandwich instead of a hot dog. Nelson's Catering can do better than this, not be such TIGHTWADS. I mean I hear a lot of complaints about how much Nelson's charges for beer compared to Storks. Nelson's is causing people not to come because they aren't charging reasonable amounts for each cup of beer. They're overcharging. I hear a loud banging noise from somewhere, what's going on? In one area of the building, they have a car from Elite Auto Body that's surrounded by a barrier. Various fans are invited to bash the thing with a sledgehammer as a means of releasing frustration. The wrestling ring looked to be about 12x12 in size, and much lower to the ground. There was thought of NMW providing the ring for the show but there were concerns about what the talent would do to the mats with some of the stuff they use, but they brought their own ring.
Live from the Warehouse. Your ring announcer is Teo. Mikey & Shawn Balient from WQLZ kick off the festivites with Carmen and Jenn from Monsters Bar & Grill. Teo is brought out, he warns if you don't like blood or hardcore you won't like the show. He tries to announce the first match, but Puppet the Psycho Dwarf interrupts.
Puppet who also does a comedy routine in various clubs proceeds to cut a very long promo. He wants the crowd to bow to him. This guy's vulgar. Puppet says midgets are the true stars of this country. He talks about how he was born and what his mom felt when they were pulling out his 78 pound head. Humpa Lumpa. Oooo...it's a midget! I think babies are all the same size when they were born, it's just when they grow that you can tell. But they think they have a midget and they stop and stare. He brings up the show "The Swan" and people use that show to get people to look at them. Midgets don't need shows like that. Some girl wants him to strip. He thinks she wants to have sex with him, so he says meet him in the beer garden later. He sticks his tongue out in a seductive way. Puppet says he's not you call a midget, he's a dwarf. He wonders what's the difference between a midget and a dwarf, he says there's a big difference. He says a dwarf is just short with short arms, legs, and everything. But the torsos are the same size as everyone else, so he gets a fan to come into the ring. He wants him to sit in the ring, Puppet sits next to him and they are pretty much the same size sitting down. Well I see why some people have had procedures done where they have their legs broken, pulled apart a little bit and have the bone grown a bit longer in order to make them a bit taller. He makes some joke about his sex drive and asks if we're ready for some hardcore action.
Falls Count Anywhere Match
"Hispanic Causing Panic" Mad Mex 4'10" 135lbs. Mexico vs. Little Kato 4'6" 110lbs. Oakland, CA - Finally we get to a match. Little Kato by the way, was said to be the son of legendary midget wrestler Lord Littlebrooke. There's no ring bell so Teo announces the start of the bout. Kato who's wearing a "Midget World Order" shirt, wants the music shut off cause it's a big distraction. Well they can't hear the crowd either. The sound guy ain't on the ball however and we wait until the thing shuts off. Lockup, no dice. Kato with kicks and starts struting around the ring. Teo is calling play by play on the house mike. Mex with hip tosses, Kato kicks Mex on the leg to stop another one, makes a wish and knees Mex in the groin, throws him into the turnbuckle for two. Kato tosses Mex under the bottom rope, kick to the belly, Kato tries throwing Mex into the table but he shoves him into it instead! Mex with a water bottle shot, Mex goes up to the top, dives on Kato to the floor with a chop to the head getting two. LOW BLOW Kato, toss in, slam, legdrop. Mex reverses the whip and hits a back body drop, goes up top, splash gets two. Mex ties Kato on the bottom rope, really stretching his legs out. Ref tries to free him, but hey, the dumb guy just has to fall forward to get out...but doesn't hear me. Kato is freed but is really doing the splits. Kato with an armbar, shots to the arm and gut, whip to the corner, and Kato with a SUPERKICK! Kato works him over, hangs HIM on the bottom rope and KICKS HIM IN THE GROIN! Yeek! Mex hits a clothesline and elbow for two. Mex slam, goes up top, flying headbutt gets the shoulder as Kato tries to roll away and gets a two count. Oh the ref was counting slow. By the way, the referee didn't have the stripes on at all. Kato with a face buster, tries a full nelson but Mex powers out and locks it in on Kato. Kato breaks free, Mex gets it again, Kato break free. So Kato wants Mex to lock it in good, Kato takes longer to get out but runs Mex down to the mat to free himself. Mex grabs the hold again, but Kato climbs up the ropes and Mex drops him for two. Mex is tossed into the ref, who drops him on Kato repeatedly...classic. Kato argues with the ref about it. Poke Kato, kick whip back body drop gets two but Kato is thrown into the ref's arms and he drops him. Kato gets angry and fetches a chair, ref tells him to drop it, but the crowd boos loudly. Kato picks it up and chases the ref out of the ring but Mex dropkicks the chair into Kato's face and gets the pin.
WINNER: Mad Mex pin -> 15:30 mins. ***¼
The guys worked the crowd a lot, but didn't go much of anywhere in the building as Teo warned for a falls count anywhere match. We go into a break. What?
Mikey brings the girls to the ring in schoolgirl outfits. Teo sets up a giveaway via a beer chugging contest. The first guy he brings in looks really built and quite short, so Teo wants to chat with him after the show. Three girls and three guys are brought in the ring. One of them starts drinking early and gets DQ'ed. The real drinkoff is on and a short chubby guy wins. That car is still being smashed up.
Hardcore Match - Staple Gun
Little Justice 4'4" 150lbs. Society Hills, SC vs. Puppet the Psycho Dwarf 4'3" 175lbs. Parts Unknown - Well they make a big deal of the staple gun. Justice gets a girl to slap his rear. Puppet poses with girls. Teo shills merchandise. The match begins, Puppet with a kick and bulldog right off the bat, suplex, Mini-Vader bomb off the second rope for two. Someone tossed a beer into the ring, now the mat is soaked. Puppet whip to the corner, splash with little velocity, does it twice, but misses a third. Justice with a slam, boot wipe gets one. Justice has the staple gun, dollars come flying in the ring. Teo jumps in to watch Puppet get stapled. He screams for someone to pull them out (what he can't do it?) and a girl rushes up and does it, Justice covers for two. Puppet with a LOW BLOW, he proceeds to staple cash on the cheek and one on the referee's butt! Puppet with ANOTHER LOW BLOW, and staples cash on the GROIN! Yeek. Puppet puts a trash can in the corner, Justice reverses the whip and sends Puppet into the can! Justice stomps and staples cash on Puppet's mouth! Another girl rushes up to pull it out and cover gets two. Make a wish legdrop Justice, knee to the head. Justice puts the can over Puppet, gets a chair and whacks him for two. Justice spills to the floor off a whip, Puppet dives on him from the apron. Puppet puts Justice on a table and drops a headbutt to the groin. Puppet suplex on the table, then dives off onto Justice. Puppet moves stuff around, sets up a chair and bulldogs Justice on it! Puppet turns his attention to a older woman at ringside, Justice sneaks up with a LOW BLOW, chairshot. They make their way to our side of the ring and they stop for a beer. Puppet spews a mouthful in Justice's face! Puppet sets up a chair but Justice grabs him for a rolling piledriver on the floor. Ref counts a very slow two. Justice rams Puppet into a table, he stacks a bunch of chairs together but Puppet throws him into the chairs! Puppet with a suplex on the floor. Justice reverses a whip into the rail! Justice with a headbutt to the nuts and pounds away. Trash can is emptied and used for a Puppet canshot! Can is set on top of a rail, Puppet suplexes Justice onto the trashcan! Puppet toss in, fireman's carry, F5! He struts around then does a one foot cover for two. Puppet is arguing with the ref, Justice up and has the trashcan, CANSHOT on Puppet! Justice does the WORM and drops an elbow for the pin.
WINNER: Little Justice pin -> 22:20 mins. ***
Puppet can't believe it. Puppet argues with the ref and finally Puppet & Justice fire low blows and manage to suplex the ref! Puppet says he wants the DJ to shut up and wants to fight Teo and Justice together, Teo walks up and stuffs cash down his shirt. Puppet asks if we had a good time. He says HPB will be having four PPVs starting in May for three months at a time and trashes the WWE for their joke of a Juniors Division. I think the WWE disbanded it already. He wants to know who wants to get drunk with the midgets to meet him in the beer garden. And that's it.
The Verdict: For what was advertised as midget hardcore wrestling, I've seen other feds do more hardcore stuff than this. There were lots of utterances of four-letter words, but big deal. Cussing up a storm doesn't do much for me. Only two matches the whole night, TWO MATCHES? For $25 regular admission and $40 for ringside, if they're charging that much I except to see more than two matches the entire night, but guess what, they only wanted to do TWO matches! I'm sorry but for the typical wrestling fan this just ain't gonna cut it for what they were charging. They need to reconsider how much they put in the lineup if they expect to do repeat business in an arena venue than in drinking establishments. What little they had was good, but they need a lot more of it in the shows--no less than five matches minimum.
Thumbs down.
The Rap Sheet - from the Crimefighter
Half Pint Brawlers' Jingle Brawl
12/30/2K5 Springfield, IL
Got midgets? Yeah. Got wrestling? Not very much...
This rap sheet is the sole opinion of the Mad Conservative Crimefighter and does not reflect the views of any other wrestling organization or individuals. Therefore, all complaints should go to MC CF and no one else, because there's one thing I really don't like and that's people punishing others for what *I* write. And then they get publically named and throughly trashed.
In my bid to have a complete list of all IL feds, I discovered some mystery group with the initials HPB running somewhere in Chicago. I wondered who the heck they were. After doing a bit of asking and looking around, I found out it stood for Half Pint Brawlers. This group has been touring the country and the local radio station got them booked.
Tonight was the first trip to Springfield, IL for the all-midget organization. Show was held at the Warehouse, which is the home of NMW. I hand counted over 300 people before the official start of the show, late comers may have pushed it up to 350. That's quite impressive a draw for $25 a pop, but WQLZ was hyping it heavily the past few weeks. Ringside table seats went for $40 each. Ringside seats got a couple cups of beer, a hotdog and chips. That's it? I expected for my $40 to get a pork sandwich instead of a hot dog. Nelson's Catering can do better than this, not be such TIGHTWADS. I mean I hear a lot of complaints about how much Nelson's charges for beer compared to Storks. Nelson's is causing people not to come because they aren't charging reasonable amounts for each cup of beer. They're overcharging. I hear a loud banging noise from somewhere, what's going on? In one area of the building, they have a car from Elite Auto Body that's surrounded by a barrier. Various fans are invited to bash the thing with a sledgehammer as a means of releasing frustration. The wrestling ring looked to be about 12x12 in size, and much lower to the ground. There was thought of NMW providing the ring for the show but there were concerns about what the talent would do to the mats with some of the stuff they use, but they brought their own ring.
Live from the Warehouse. Your ring announcer is Teo. Mikey & Shawn Balient from WQLZ kick off the festivites with Carmen and Jenn from Monsters Bar & Grill. Teo is brought out, he warns if you don't like blood or hardcore you won't like the show. He tries to announce the first match, but Puppet the Psycho Dwarf interrupts.
Puppet who also does a comedy routine in various clubs proceeds to cut a very long promo. He wants the crowd to bow to him. This guy's vulgar. Puppet says midgets are the true stars of this country. He talks about how he was born and what his mom felt when they were pulling out his 78 pound head. Humpa Lumpa. Oooo...it's a midget! I think babies are all the same size when they were born, it's just when they grow that you can tell. But they think they have a midget and they stop and stare. He brings up the show "The Swan" and people use that show to get people to look at them. Midgets don't need shows like that. Some girl wants him to strip. He thinks she wants to have sex with him, so he says meet him in the beer garden later. He sticks his tongue out in a seductive way. Puppet says he's not you call a midget, he's a dwarf. He wonders what's the difference between a midget and a dwarf, he says there's a big difference. He says a dwarf is just short with short arms, legs, and everything. But the torsos are the same size as everyone else, so he gets a fan to come into the ring. He wants him to sit in the ring, Puppet sits next to him and they are pretty much the same size sitting down. Well I see why some people have had procedures done where they have their legs broken, pulled apart a little bit and have the bone grown a bit longer in order to make them a bit taller. He makes some joke about his sex drive and asks if we're ready for some hardcore action.
Falls Count Anywhere Match
"Hispanic Causing Panic" Mad Mex 4'10" 135lbs. Mexico vs. Little Kato 4'6" 110lbs. Oakland, CA - Finally we get to a match. Little Kato by the way, was said to be the son of legendary midget wrestler Lord Littlebrooke. There's no ring bell so Teo announces the start of the bout. Kato who's wearing a "Midget World Order" shirt, wants the music shut off cause it's a big distraction. Well they can't hear the crowd either. The sound guy ain't on the ball however and we wait until the thing shuts off. Lockup, no dice. Kato with kicks and starts struting around the ring. Teo is calling play by play on the house mike. Mex with hip tosses, Kato kicks Mex on the leg to stop another one, makes a wish and knees Mex in the groin, throws him into the turnbuckle for two. Kato tosses Mex under the bottom rope, kick to the belly, Kato tries throwing Mex into the table but he shoves him into it instead! Mex with a water bottle shot, Mex goes up to the top, dives on Kato to the floor with a chop to the head getting two. LOW BLOW Kato, toss in, slam, legdrop. Mex reverses the whip and hits a back body drop, goes up top, splash gets two. Mex ties Kato on the bottom rope, really stretching his legs out. Ref tries to free him, but hey, the dumb guy just has to fall forward to get out...but doesn't hear me. Kato is freed but is really doing the splits. Kato with an armbar, shots to the arm and gut, whip to the corner, and Kato with a SUPERKICK! Kato works him over, hangs HIM on the bottom rope and KICKS HIM IN THE GROIN! Yeek! Mex hits a clothesline and elbow for two. Mex slam, goes up top, flying headbutt gets the shoulder as Kato tries to roll away and gets a two count. Oh the ref was counting slow. By the way, the referee didn't have the stripes on at all. Kato with a face buster, tries a full nelson but Mex powers out and locks it in on Kato. Kato breaks free, Mex gets it again, Kato break free. So Kato wants Mex to lock it in good, Kato takes longer to get out but runs Mex down to the mat to free himself. Mex grabs the hold again, but Kato climbs up the ropes and Mex drops him for two. Mex is tossed into the ref, who drops him on Kato repeatedly...classic. Kato argues with the ref about it. Poke Kato, kick whip back body drop gets two but Kato is thrown into the ref's arms and he drops him. Kato gets angry and fetches a chair, ref tells him to drop it, but the crowd boos loudly. Kato picks it up and chases the ref out of the ring but Mex dropkicks the chair into Kato's face and gets the pin.
WINNER: Mad Mex pin -> 15:30 mins. ***¼
The guys worked the crowd a lot, but didn't go much of anywhere in the building as Teo warned for a falls count anywhere match. We go into a break. What?
Mikey brings the girls to the ring in schoolgirl outfits. Teo sets up a giveaway via a beer chugging contest. The first guy he brings in looks really built and quite short, so Teo wants to chat with him after the show. Three girls and three guys are brought in the ring. One of them starts drinking early and gets DQ'ed. The real drinkoff is on and a short chubby guy wins. That car is still being smashed up.
Hardcore Match - Staple Gun
Little Justice 4'4" 150lbs. Society Hills, SC vs. Puppet the Psycho Dwarf 4'3" 175lbs. Parts Unknown - Well they make a big deal of the staple gun. Justice gets a girl to slap his rear. Puppet poses with girls. Teo shills merchandise. The match begins, Puppet with a kick and bulldog right off the bat, suplex, Mini-Vader bomb off the second rope for two. Someone tossed a beer into the ring, now the mat is soaked. Puppet whip to the corner, splash with little velocity, does it twice, but misses a third. Justice with a slam, boot wipe gets one. Justice has the staple gun, dollars come flying in the ring. Teo jumps in to watch Puppet get stapled. He screams for someone to pull them out (what he can't do it?) and a girl rushes up and does it, Justice covers for two. Puppet with a LOW BLOW, he proceeds to staple cash on the cheek and one on the referee's butt! Puppet with ANOTHER LOW BLOW, and staples cash on the GROIN! Yeek. Puppet puts a trash can in the corner, Justice reverses the whip and sends Puppet into the can! Justice stomps and staples cash on Puppet's mouth! Another girl rushes up to pull it out and cover gets two. Make a wish legdrop Justice, knee to the head. Justice puts the can over Puppet, gets a chair and whacks him for two. Justice spills to the floor off a whip, Puppet dives on him from the apron. Puppet puts Justice on a table and drops a headbutt to the groin. Puppet suplex on the table, then dives off onto Justice. Puppet moves stuff around, sets up a chair and bulldogs Justice on it! Puppet turns his attention to a older woman at ringside, Justice sneaks up with a LOW BLOW, chairshot. They make their way to our side of the ring and they stop for a beer. Puppet spews a mouthful in Justice's face! Puppet sets up a chair but Justice grabs him for a rolling piledriver on the floor. Ref counts a very slow two. Justice rams Puppet into a table, he stacks a bunch of chairs together but Puppet throws him into the chairs! Puppet with a suplex on the floor. Justice reverses a whip into the rail! Justice with a headbutt to the nuts and pounds away. Trash can is emptied and used for a Puppet canshot! Can is set on top of a rail, Puppet suplexes Justice onto the trashcan! Puppet toss in, fireman's carry, F5! He struts around then does a one foot cover for two. Puppet is arguing with the ref, Justice up and has the trashcan, CANSHOT on Puppet! Justice does the WORM and drops an elbow for the pin.
WINNER: Little Justice pin -> 22:20 mins. ***
Puppet can't believe it. Puppet argues with the ref and finally Puppet & Justice fire low blows and manage to suplex the ref! Puppet says he wants the DJ to shut up and wants to fight Teo and Justice together, Teo walks up and stuffs cash down his shirt. Puppet asks if we had a good time. He says HPB will be having four PPVs starting in May for three months at a time and trashes the WWE for their joke of a Juniors Division. I think the WWE disbanded it already. He wants to know who wants to get drunk with the midgets to meet him in the beer garden. And that's it.
The Verdict: For what was advertised as midget hardcore wrestling, I've seen other feds do more hardcore stuff than this. There were lots of utterances of four-letter words, but big deal. Cussing up a storm doesn't do much for me. Only two matches the whole night, TWO MATCHES? For $25 regular admission and $40 for ringside, if they're charging that much I except to see more than two matches the entire night, but guess what, they only wanted to do TWO matches! I'm sorry but for the typical wrestling fan this just ain't gonna cut it for what they were charging. They need to reconsider how much they put in the lineup if they expect to do repeat business in an arena venue than in drinking establishments. What little they had was good, but they need a lot more of it in the shows--no less than five matches minimum.
Thumbs down.
